Hello and assalamualaikum. I almost forgot that I owned this blog ._____. I know that the last time I posted something on this blog was a really long time ago.  It's not that I'm busy or something but my mind is empty. I don't think that I got something to write about. As if I've started a new life with new me, new friends and new him :) And I bet some of you knew that I'm currently going to sit for PMR this year and to me it is important. To be truth last year was even better KOT. Now, all of my siblings continue their studies. And I'm all alone at home. Yeahp, "ANAK TUNGGAL" is quite enough to describe how lonely I am at home eventhough I have a boyfriend ._______.

Talk about boyfriend, never thought that I could meet him AGAIN. It started this year, awal tahun lah. That time, I almost gave up in risking my heart AGAIN. I was having my hard time with one guy who doesn't deserve me at all. By the time I felt so broken and so hopeless, there's one guy who I used to like, care, trust and LOVE before came into my life AGAIN. He tried to care about me AGAIN and I gave him the chance. 

Someday on February KOT I went to Fatin's after school and that evening she intended to meet someone then I was like "takkan aku nak duduk sekor je situ" So, I checked my friend list on my phone. Then I saw that name "Hafiq Nasir" it was a really long time I didn't call or even text with him. I was a little nervous, but yeahp at least I tried. Called him then I said "Awk kat mana? lama dah tak jumpa kan? Sihat? datang bukit istana petang ni boleh? Kita lepak :)" Then he was like "Kalau boleh, saya datang kay? blablabla" lepas dah end call pun, still rasa berdebar lagi. HAHAHAHA adakah cinta aka berputik kembali? *jengjengjeng* K. Then I quickly get ready and I wore the lotion which he really likes the smell of it. Jalan pergi taman . . . bila dah sampai taman, tak nampak pun motor MODENAS ELEGAN dia HAHAHAHA. Mula mula macam cakap dekat Fatin "saya dah agak dah, dia takkan datang punya, perangai dia memang takkan berubah" . . . . . . . . . dalam 10 minutes after, dengar bunyi motor. Saya malas ah nak pandang belakang tengok, sbb dah tahu dia memang takkan datang. Tapi terdengar bunyi horn, pandang je belakang nampak dia. No one knows how happy I am that time and of course I miss him a lot! We talked for hours. Kita senyum, kita bercakap, kita gelak, kita main nganjing nganjing sampai lah pukul 7. 

Dua dua balik lah. Fatin and I walked home, then suddenly he texted me. Then I call him. Since that, kitorang dah contact balik like everyday we talked on the phone, at least twice a weak kitorang jumpa sampailah timbul balik rasa sayang and everything. But I don't really trust him because I was afraid . . . until this one day in April. We talked for 6 hours and I didn't even sleep then terus siap siap pergi sekolah HAHAHAHA. I asked him "Awak baik dgn saya balik ni, just nak suka suka macam dulu or you're trying to be serious with me" he said "Saya langsung takde niat nak mainkan awak or whatever. Saya banyak nasihat awak bukannya saya suka suka, saya buat mcm tu sebab saya sayang awak. Awak lain, bertuah siapa yang dapat awak tu. Ex awak semua tu bodoh sebab tinggal awak. Even kakak saya pun cakap awak comel" then saya tanya lagi "Awak still ingat macam mana kita kenal dulu" he said "Time tu awak teman fisya date  dengan saya, saya rasa awak langsung tak tahu yg saya wujud dekat sekolah tu .____. saya jumpa awk kat taman tu dgn fatin and fisya, dalam hati saya saya ckp *cun gak dia ni* hahahaha saya try cari facebook awak pe semua tapi saya tak tahu nama awak apa" . . . . . . And that's how we met. Everynight I talked to him, he sang me loads of songs we tried to make our own song tapi tak sedap langsung . . .

Until one day, he told me that he loves me . . . We shared almost everything together. I really felt like he really really changed. 9th May 2012 at 1 am, he asked me to be his officially sebelum  ni dia dah lama anggap yang saya ni dia punya but not me . . . . HAHAHAHA. Tiap tiap malam dia buat comel, dia cakap "Awak! saya sayang awak tau" dia menyanyi lah apalah. Dia suka pergi pasar malam and saya rindu nak pergi pasar malam dengan dia lagi. Sekarang saya ada hutang dia shades pasar malam then belanja movie tapi tak sempat lagi nak langsaikan hutang tu. Dia pernah jaga budak, mandi budak. And ada satu gambar dia dengan anak sedara dia pakai jersey malaysia. SANGAT COMEL?! Dia nampak kurus, tapi sebenarnya dia kuat! Hahaha, kulit dia licin. Sebutir jerawat pun takde ._________. Only god knows how much I miss spending time with him. I love him so much and I don't mind If I have to end my life with him. He tweeted random stupid stuffs on my twitter and I tweeted on his. Dulu, everytime I wake up ada text from him and mesti dia cakap "I hope this would put a smile on your face sayang". Sebelum tidur he'll send me a really long sweet text saying that he really really loves me. I TRUSTED HIM and that was my biggest mistake.

Dari dulu lagi dia nak saya tulis pasal dia dekat blog ni tapi harini baru saya buat. I am happy with him but now not anymore. Not after he continued his study. Dia busy sangat, langsung takde masa untuk saya it is like I was the only one who's chasing for him. Tiap tiap masa nak busy nak mental nak marah. Even kadang kadang pernah like the whole day tak contact. Mula mula masuk tu adalah lah call kejap kejap. I tried to understand him, ye saya tahu matriks memang busy gila. I asked him to at least text me before he goes to sleep and after he wakes up. THAT'S ALL. Dalam 2 3 hari je dia buat macam tu then lepas tu takde dah. Mulut ni dah puas tanya dah puas marah dah puas nasihat dah puas mintak belas kasihan dari dia but it won't change a thing. Dia cakap sorry, dia buat balik, dia cakap sorry, dia buat balik and that's how it rolls. I felt so alone. Sometimes I call him but he didn't pick up and it happens all the time. I've sacrificed so much things and I don't get it. Why is it so hard for him to realised? I cried and I'm in pain but he's not there when I needed him the most. What's the point of loving and being loved? Tired to hold on but so in love to let go. Almost every hour I called him but it's hard for him to pick up the calls. Weeks ago I was so mad I scolded him and I was using bad words a lot, I was pissed off and so did him. Early in the morning before I went to school he texted "Yes, sorry. I know it's my fault but I'm really really busy. As you can see, it's nearly 3 am now and this is the only time where I'm totally free but I really need to sleep. I got exam this whole week. Hm sorry but I don't think this kind of relationship will work for both of us. Sorry again, goodnight takcare, sleeptight" . . . . .

Ya Allah masa tu . . . susah nak terangkan macam mana, just no matter what happens a break up solves nothing. I'm so afraid . . . I'm afraid that he will leave me someday like what he's doing now. SAYA TERPAKSA MENGALAH I texted him back "Please jgn wak, saya nak dekat exam dah ni. I need you :'( jgn seksa sy sampai mcm ni. Bagi masa sampai kita jumpa dulu. Try to love me back again, you used to love me so much and  I trusted you. Think about it k? Don't take away my life with you. 1440 minutes a day, I'm sure you can spend 1 minute to text me kan?" Alasan dia sama je, dia cakap susah kalau LDR ni, nak jumpa susah *1 months 3 weeks tak jumpa* lagipun kitorang dah lama tak otp lama lama. I said "Semua tu tak penting pun, yang penting kita sama-sama sayang. Just jujur dgn setia jelah" . . . And now I don't know the condition between me and him. You know how hurt it is kan? To have someone you really love and you really trust leaves you? All those memories, those laughs, those tears. BUT THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO, SABAR JELAH :)

Baru baru ni ada kawan saya bagitahu yang dia ada perempuan lain. I'm not mad because he cheated but because dia tak mengaku. Yeah I admit it, 2 days before he went to matriks dia dapat tahu yg saya ada lelaki lain. Well at least saya jujur but him? Langsung taknak mengaku and I asked like a thousand times sampai both  of us were crying like hell. Before dia pergi matriks, we didn't spend our time together. It was harsh, I regret everything. Hari last dia dekat Kuantan, kitorang tak jumpa. Dia ada tweet "Aku belum pergi matrik lagi, kau dah buat macam tu. Aku tak tahu lah macam mana perangai kau kalau aku dah pergi" Something like that lah. If I only I could turn back time :(

And now both of us tak contact. I will wait for him and I must meet him. I'm not desperate but I'm in love. My parents knew about him but they don't even know how worse I am with him. I miss our good times together and I miss you so much. Bukak mata tu, jangan sampai bila saya dah takde baru nak sedar :) Saya sabar selagi boleh sabar. 9th July? Our 2nd monthsarry. Baru 2 bulan tapi rasa macam dah lama, sebab I've known him for a really long time :) I love him too much and sesaat pun aku tak menyesal. This relationship is complicated but I really really wish that you'll come back to me and won't be doing the same thing again. Saya just boleh SABAR jelah :) Sakit tu memang sakit, tapi tak boleh nak buat apa lah . . . . . .

"He changed, we used to talk for hours but now I'm lucky to talk to him for a few seconds. He used to want me but now he make it seems like he's always busy"

p/s: Thanks for reading. You can call me desperate if you want, just wait until you feel how I felt okay? This is the longest post. Goodbye readers, assalamualaikum xx.

Hello and Assalamualaikum! It's been a while i didn't post. I've been so busy lately *lying* My last post was on Ramadhan 2011. And my new post now is on CNY 2012. Lol coincidence. I got so much things to tell, but my laptop battery is so low right now. I spent my last 2011 with my brother. And yes as you know, I'm not in the same class with my chickass :( it kills me inside. But as my my sister always told me "don't be afraid of something  you havent try yet" so insyaAllah kalau niat iklas nak belajar, I'll get well in my new class *although i don't have close friend there* truth to be told, from now on, I'll go everywhere at school ALONE! Including toilet and labs. It hards but still I'm alive okay? Being lonely didn't kill you guys. That's all about school.

HIM? yes I've met a new one. As usual, it didn't last long. Since i was 13, I've been played with boys. I'm tired for this. I guess my heart is now closed for boys. Seriously this time was the hardest. I've trust him too much. I know he's a player. Tapi nak buat macam mana kan, dah takdir. Serious aku memang tak lupa time kita spend time sama-sama. My mom knew about you. If you read this, I just want you to know I'll never forget US. I want to but I can't. I'm not perfect sorry. If you meet someone else, please don't treat her the way you treated me. You have to change. You're 17 now, you need to think of your future. Mama papa tak akan hidup selamanya. You should stop doing bad things. To be truth, I cried 5days for you. I can't stop thinking about you, you're different from others. As told by friends, I should forget you and yes I will. That day was the last time we speak. I can't wait for you. I'm crying now. InsyaAllah this would be the last time I cry for you. I'll pray the best for you and I'll keep your picture. This is not your fault. We didn't meant for each other. Someone better is waiting for me out there. Take a good care of yourself and please change. Goodbyee :')

p/s : I will always remember the way you called me "sayang"

Today is the last day of Ramdhan month. Tomorrow we will celebrating Hari Raya Aidilfitri, I don't know why but I think this year punya puasa was so sekejap. Is it just me? or you guys pun rasa centu? :OO lepas ni bulan September then October. Then November :OOO HMMMM I hate that month. Then 2012 InsyaAllah kalau panjang umur en? Hmm I miss everything that happens this year, How I have a lot of fun this year, I cried, I laughed, I pissed off and sorts. Hm everything means so much to me.

Sumpah jealous dengan korang korang yang celebrate raya dengan boyfriend. Ajak bf datang rumah beraya, salam mak mertua ayah mertua. Hmm baju raya colour sama :(( Ya Allah jealousnyaaa. K jealous sikit je LOL so sedih.

So here it goes! to viewers blog ni, SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI/ HAPPY EID! May you guys have a blast this Raya. Have a nice day! Thousands of sorry for my mistakes. Travel safe, play safe. Love you guys so muchhhh! muahxxx :*

Everybody tweeted about raya even facebookers pun buat status pasal raya en? Poor merdeka, no one wanna talk about it. HAHA My timeline and newsfeed penuh dengan Raya haha so dead. My cousins semua otp dengan boyfriend dia ckp pasal raya, buat baju raya warna sama lahh and sorts. HMMMMM jelousnyaa. K watlek, watcool :> Aku takde sorg laki pun text pasal raya kecuali Maulud. haha baguss Maulud ni HOHOHO

I don't even know what to talk about. I'm bored like helllll ! download cerita Prom dari tadi tak siap lagi. I wasted almost 8 hours of my time. youuuu know?

K bye .______. lol Khaleda what a stupid post

So I went out yesterday! I had lots of fun! cuma sedih je tgk org berkepit dgn boyfriend, shopping dgn boyfriend. Hmmm so sweet. K whatever. Then, I saw AH haha comel betul. kitorg baik tapi mana pernah keluar sama lagi haha, nak tegur tapi dah lepas. So takkan nak patah balik kannn? We went to the karaoke box two times -.- sebelum berbuka and after. Habis melalak aku dekat dalam tu, hilang suara comel aku tu :>

Here are some of the photos.

OMG my face ._____. lol

Tony tgh sedap menyanyi sorg haha.

The best girlfriend everrr! Lysm :*

K I was bored time ni :b ignore my face hahahahha

Then time nak balik tu, lalu dekat foodcourt. Then suddenly nampak yana, naimah and ja! OMG!!!???? bapak seloknya wehh, jerit ah yana! yana! yana! cam babi je jerita sorg -.- haha lepak ckp ckp dgn dorg, hahahahhahaha banyak gila ketawa. gambar ada ambik satu je HMMMMMMMM :((

Amboii galoknyaaaaa :D

So he texted me yesterday. Tapi around 9 liddat, reasons dia tak reply my text and tak pick up the phone is dia jumpa kawan! wadafakkk! jumpa aku takleh, jumpa kawan boleh. Jumpa kawan dari pagi sampai malam? nak reply nak angkat phone pun tak boleh? that was just nice. Kau game aku, aku game kau :> takpe one day awk kena balik! Have fun boy!!!! xx

Siapa keluar hari ni? K confirm tak ramai keluar tp ramai org dekat mall :(( hari ni iteww nak keluar dgn dia, tp dia tu ngade cangat. kuat mewajuk. HMMMM itew tak pernah agi bukak puaseww dgn die. cedihnye itew hukzzzzz. So today I'm bored while waiting for the clock ticking until 3 pm. Hari Raya nak dekat belaka nak decorate rumah, besarkan rumah bagai. What a waste.

Wait biar dorg lah nak buat apa pun, kau pehal doe nak kecoh? macam guna duit kau en? *Hm Kay :| * jiran aku ni ada jugak beli lampu liplap liplap the very the glamzzz. Eeeee sakit mata aku tgk. Nasib baik comel, hahahhahaa saje je. Orang lain semua besar rumah, cat rumah, beli lampu glamzzz. Aku je yang tak cara semua ni yang penting I ada baju baru yg glamz. Family aku watlek je watcool. Nak dekat open house ni, buat ah semua benda bagai. hoho. Open house aku best, ada banyak binatang hehe. Ada kucing, ikan, sugar glider. Ada guinea pig, hamster dan rabbit. <-- tiga haiwan yang terakhir tu tipu je, dulu ada tapi sekarang semua dah mati :< huhukzzzzzzzz

Heee mari lerww datang open house kitewwwwww. Huehuehu :> Kbai -.-

Heyy sup guys! today was the last day at school before Raya. Our class didn't learn anything today! cause we're kewlzzzzz. We bought some contact lenses. I mean they bought some contact lenses for raya. Then satu kelas kecoh contact lens -.- The very the kayy jiee :b hahahha sorry

Esok mari lerrww kita wamai wamai keluar pakai tudung pakai baju kuwunggzzz. Enough khaleda -.- haha comelzznya cayeww eycok hueheuhue.

This Tuesday dah raya dah lol happy nyaaa! Lepas sembahyang raya my family akan bertolak ke Kuala Terengganu dan dijangka sampai malam akibat kesesakan lalu lintas dan terlalu banyak singgah di rumah rumah rumah rumah rumah *byk nye rumah* orang. First day, I'll be wearing tudung. haha why? Because I want to. Call me a hypocrite? Shatap bitch, at least I'm trying something new and nice.

So di hari yang mulia ini, ku ingin menyusun 1 jari tengah  10 jari dan meminta maaf dekat korg korg semua yg terase bila baca blog ni haha siapa suruh terase :b aku cerita pasal bdk bdk dekat africa tu! bukan korg HAHAHAHA tak lawak. Have fun time raya study jangan lupa exam nak dekat, nnt mule ah. Kalau rasa tak malu tu, dtg lah beraya dekat rumah time hari raya pertama, kedua dgn ketiga sbb takde org dekat rmh time tu :b lol 10 September ni rumah sy ada buat open house, so kalau nk makan minum free dtg je buat muka tak malu. Tak kan aku nak halau en? :) heee aku punya rmh senang je. Dekat dgn SMK Pelindung. Address dia no 1 Taman Tunas Beserah Mewah, Lrg Pelindung Jaya 5 26100 Kuantan. rumah saya yg first then ada banyak pokok haaaaa. Dekat dalam rmh ada banyak haiwan, so datang lah tgk zoo percuma :) huehuehue. Awal awal aku dah promote open house -.- tak malu betul. k shadap

Once again! Selamat menyambut HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI maaf zahir dan batin. Have fun guys! jgn lupa Khaleda time berayaaaa! Love yollsssss muahhhh xx :* Sorry for the 'aku, saya, I' haha wanna use all of em.

Hari Raya 2001 Kuching, Sarawak.